


A Rare Sith Artifact (Definitely Not A Butt Plug)

by oorsprong



Series: Mysteries of the Force [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Gaping, Butt Plugs, Crack Treated Seriously, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, ass reading, mysterious mysteries, perhaps the most inappropriate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 21:16:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13579104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oorsprong/pseuds/oorsprong
Summary: “Supreme Leader are you telling me that the “mysteries of the force” boil down to a cheap ploy to get me to expose myself to you?”  He’s angry, though not as angry as he might be.  Ren is truly terrible at seduction but props for effort.  This is certainly… elaborate.He’s met with a deadpan stare.  “I told you it’s not for the closed minded.  This is a time honored practice.  Your ass holds many secrets and I can help you unlock them.”It’s not that he’s falling for it, exactly, but that it’s too absurd to pass up.  The chance that Ren isn’t fucking with him makes it all the more delicious.





	A Rare Sith Artifact (Definitely Not A Butt Plug)

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Редкий артефакт ситхов (ну точно не анальная пробка)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15970163) by [FixDestroy_2018](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FixDestroy_2018/pseuds/FixDestroy_2018), [Lenuchka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenuchka/pseuds/Lenuchka)



“Supreme Leader, have you been listening to a word I’ve said?”

 

Hux keeps his jaw set and his eyes fixed on a bored looking Ren, trying not to let his impatience show.  The insufferable man has the audacity to favor him with something like a smile.

 

“Of course I have, General and I fully endorse whatever measures you see fit to take in your next campaign.”

 

So he hasn’t been listening.  Hux takes a calming breath.

 

“I appreciate your _confidence_ ,” he spits the word out like the curse it is, “but I need to brief you on the particulars in case our initial plan falls through.  The success rate is currently predicted at seven-five percent, which are good odds, but unless your force connection permits you to know the future--”

 

Ren coughs.  Impolitely.

 

“Well I suppose if you did have such knowledge it would be prudent to share it with the rest of us.”

 

“The mysteries of the force are beyond your ken.”

 

“Fine.  That’s your area of expertise.  So if you have anything to share with your command I would appreciate--”

 

Ren raises his hand, palm outward, as though to cut off any argument-- as though he hasn’t been the one interrupting.  

 

“General, it’s _your_ future I’m currently concerned about.”

 

Another day, another thinly veiled threat.  Hux can’t even muster a look of annoyance.

 

“When my master perished I was left adrift,” Ren continues, “but meditation and study have brought me new understanding.  After our defeat at Crait I was lost.  Through the force I’ve found renewal.

 

“Mmhm.”  He’s not one for this mystical bantha-shit but as long as Ren isn’t throwing a tantrum or sulking it’s a marked improvement.  “So what do you see in my future?”

 

“There is an ancient Sith practice of divination.”  Ren stands and walks over to Hux, slowly circling him in a most irritating way.  “It’s not for the closed minded.  It’s a powerful tool only whispered about by those who have studied the lore.  We call it, _Jor Sa Vithos_ ; the sacred map.

 

Hux stares at him.  “And where might this map be found?”

 

“In the flesh, of course.  There are a sacred places that most sentient life share.  From there you can read the future in the lines of the body, the curves…”

 

“The curves?”

 

“Come to my quarters tonight and I’ll read your future.”

 

Perhaps it’s the heat in the room or perhaps it’s the intensity of Ren’s gaze bearing down on him but he’s a little light headed and his throat is suddenly too dry.

 

“I’d like to know more.”

 

“Patience,” Ren says, touching a gloved hand to Hux’s shoulder in a way that is both totally inappropriate and utterly thrilling.

 

“Tomorrow night,” Hux hears himself say.  “I’ll be drawing up plans tonight.”

 

Ren nods and makes a quick exit, leaving Hux stunned and not a little curious.  But he can wait.  Patience is, after all, Hux’s virtue.

 

***

 

The next night Hux arrives at Ren’s quarters brimming with impatience.  When the doors slide open he’s dumbfounded at the way they’ve been transformed.   Black silk curtains hang at odd angles.  Dozens of candles line what look like hastily assembled shelves.  The whole thing is incredibly tawdry.

 

Ren slides out from behind an old fashioned dressing screen in a long satin robe.  He’s wearing eyeliner.  It’s a mess.  Hux nervously scratches at the back of his neck.

 

“Why are you dressed like that?”

 

“Communing with the force doesn’t require comfort but I prefer it.  I brought you a robe.”

 

“Right.  Is there some reason I can’t do this in my uniform.”

 

The knight glides over to a thick pillow with a mat beside it and settles there.

 

“It’s easier to flip the robe up than to go to all the trouble of taking your trousers off.”

 

“Supreme Leader are you telling me that the “mysteries of the force” boil down to a cheap ploy to get me to expose myself to you?”  He’s angry, though not as angry as he might be.  Ren is truly terrible at seduction but props for effort.  This is certainly… elaborate.

 

He’s met with a deadpan stare.  “I told you it’s not for the closed minded.  This is a time honored practice.  Your ass holds many secrets and I can help you unlock them.”

 

It’s not that he’s falling for it, exactly, but that it’s too absurd to pass up.  The chance that Ren isn’t fucking with him makes it all the more delicious.

 

“Obviously, yes.  That famous Jedi arse fixation.  How could I forget?”

 

Ren glowers at him.  “The jedi?  That prudish lot would suppress this knowledge out of their own pathetic fear of the unknown.”

 

Ren gestures to the screen and Hux watches in shock as a powder blue robe floats out from behind it and into his hands.  It’s trimmed with a silver fringe and flows through his fingers like water.  If nothing else perhaps Ren will let him keep it.

 

“Make yourself comfortable and then come lie on the mat.  We have work to do.”

 

Hux considers going behind the screen to strip but that would imply he’s in some way shy or has something to hide from Kylo Ren.  He doesn’t quite make eye contact as he methodically removes his clothes, but he can tell that he’s flustered his host from the way Ren turns to attend to a candle as he slips out of his undershorts.  The robe hugs his frame as he belts it and steps forward, determined to show no apprehension.

 

“Relax, General, the initial observation is done by outward examination alone.”

 

“Outward?”  His voice falters as his cock rises and he immediately stretches face down on the mat to hide it.  It sounds like an inner examination is in store.  It’s just as he feared.  Some obscene dark force influence is making him hard.

 

The robe is pulled up, exposing him from the waist down.  He squeezes his eyes shut and hears the soft creak of leather gloves pulled away from fingers and detects a strong aroma of ferlinir petal oil.  When it drips into his freshly waxed crack he yelps in surprise.

 

“The oil is necessary to highlight the curves,” Ren murmurs close to his ear before rough fingers massage it in.

 

Hux groans and tries to hide it with a guffaw.

 

“Supreme Leader are you massaging my arse?”

 

It’s too ridiculous.  All Ren needs is some relaxing spa music featuring the soothing call of the krayt dragon.

 

“Shh.  I’m concentrating.  Opening up your inner pathways with the force and learning from the map your body reveals to me.”  His voice is sultry and Hux wants to tell him to knock it off.  Instead he melts into the mat a little.

 

“The curves of your posterior,” Ren continues, “are a view into your very soul.”  A finger traces the swell of his buttocks and taps the underside.  “This is a compact shape, soft but firm.  It tells me that you have an uptight personality.”

 

Hux opens his mouth to argue and Ren pinches him.

 

“Ouch! What was that for?”

 

“I’m increasing blood flow to bring out the color, it will help me with the examination.  Hm, there are freckles here.”

 

“Oh gods…” The general winces into the mat.  

 

“This is fortuitous, Hux, each freckle, mole, or mark represents a challenge that will be overcome.  My own ass carries many such marks and they have benefited my character.”

 

“Yes, you’ve definitely got a lot of your backside in your personality.”

 

Ren’s pinches him again and he doubts it’s for color this time.

 

“Well?  Have you divined my future yet?”

 

“That requires one more step.  I see your present and your circumstances laid out before me.  To determine your future I must read further in.  There is a device I keep for this purpose.  It’s just been sterilized.

 

Hux laughs so hard he begins coughing and turns to look at the knight through teary eyes.

 

“You’re going to stick something in my anus and tell me my future?”

 

Ren pries his cheeks apart and touches his rim.  It’s so unexpectedly tender that he hums a little.

 

“It’s a rare Sith artifact.”

 

“A Sith butt plug!?”

 

“If you aren’t going to take this seriously…”

 

“I’m about to let you put that thing in me, I’d say I’m taking this as seriously as it deserves.”

 

“Relax,” Ren implores him.  Hux closes his eyes again because the massage is too good to pass up.  Soft strokes tease his inner thighs and the warm oil that dribbles just so on his entrance has him hard all over again.

 

A soft tip nudges his opening and he sighs as the device is worked slowly against him, opening him up with each gentle thrust.  Ren keeps it liberally coated in the oil and strokes the small of his back to distract him until he’s stretched as far as he can go in this short session.  The pull of the flange as the neck slides into place is a relief.  It doesn’t quite hit the spot but it feels so good and snug inside that he moans in contentment.

 

Ren says nothing, merely takes to the task of massaging him all over.  For many blissful minutes he’s worked with strong hands in utter silence.  If he weren’t so keyed up from the stimulation he might drift off to sleep, so talented are Ren’s fingers.

 

“Are you ready, General?”  Ren whispers against the back of his neck, raising the short hairs there.

 

“Ready for what?”

 

“I’m going to help relax you with the force to keep the channel open.  It may feel strange.  I’ll be reading the inside with my fingers.  You will experience a gaping sensation.  It’s not unpleasant.”

 

“Yes, by all means Supreme Leader, read my yawning arsehole.”

 

Ren grunts with annoyance and grasps the flange, drawing the device out with care.  Hux feels himself stretch again but this time there’s an even greater feeling of relaxation.   Exposed to Ren’s eyes, he expects some reservations to surface, for the knight is surely staring into his open hole.  Instead he feels a heady bliss filtering through his entire body.

 

“The force flows through you,” Ren murmurs.  “The color is good and the strength of your hole is impressive.  It’s all quite clear to me now.”

 

Hux allows himself to be turned onto his back, cock pointing skyward as he’s shadowed by a disrobed Kylo Ren.

 

“And what is this clarity you’ve received?”

 

“I see your future in the Supreme Leader’s bed.  Enjoying a long night of shared pleasure.  By morning you’ll be powerful enough to command our troops to victory.

 

An indulgent smile spreads across his face.  “Then who am I to deny the will of fate?”

 

He doesn’t even offer a token protest as he’s lifted in Ren’s arms and carried to a mattress piled with silks and pillows, offering up a silent thanks to the mysteries of the force.  

**Author's Note:**

> a special thank you to and [cracktheglasses](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cormallen/pseuds/cracktheglasses) and [K_dAzrael](http://archiveofourown.org/users/K_dAzrael/pseuds/K_dAzrael) who had amazing input that inspired me!


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